you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
