Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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