It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
