forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
