I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
