i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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