I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
third nipple confirmed
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
