well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
