do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
