Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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