Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
