I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
