May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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