Who wears a wallet chain?!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
