Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
