How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Shame - the story of my life.
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