He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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