i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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