respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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