soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
