he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
