He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
