You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
