My cat gives me a boner
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
