Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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