Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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