When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
