yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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