Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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