that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
