i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
