get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
