Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
