apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
