I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im holly from the hills drunk
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
