My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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