I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
