OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
