All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
