That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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