Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So much rum. So many feels.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
