I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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