I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
