so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
