His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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