lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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