Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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