According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
