Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
