mondays should just be called national damage control day
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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