need another drink. this is the easiest way
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
