This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
