Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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