you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize