i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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