I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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