I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
