The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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