The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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