it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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