I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
