Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he thought i was a dude.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
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i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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