Already got asked if we're dating
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
