So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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