i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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